Blurry
by Ren201
Summary: When things get too much for Sydney, can anyone save her? Chapter 6 is up. R&R if you know what's good for you! Choices between SS or Sv.
1. The bridge

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any!  
  
Author's note: R&R and tell me what you think. This was originally going to be a Syd/Dixon fic, but that would be a bit weird. I might do a Dixon/Syd fic, what do you think, would that be too weird? Yes, I think it might! Tell me anyway. It would be different if anything!  
  
A/N: The words between the // are song words. Song: 'Blurry' by Puddle of Mud. I'm a drama queen when it comes to writing these fics, just wanted to warn you!  
  
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// Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake  
  
And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up  
  
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all  
  
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl //  
  
I took a deep breath as I left my house. I knew exactly where I was going, but still wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was actually going to it. I had considered it several times since my return; though it was only today that I realised this was the only way out, the only way that I could protect the ones I loved and myself.  
  
As I looked up, the sky seemed to mirror my world, tedious and detached. As the wind clung to my body, I started to jog to the all too familiar spot. I felt completely numb as I picked up speed and started to think about what had brought me to this. It would be foolish of me to say that it was just one thing that had compelled me to do this. It wasn't. Everything had built up to this moment since I came back. Things have gone from bad to worse to, as low as I could possibly fall.  
  
I had hit rock bottom and was slowly dying inside, yet nobody was noticing. I had hidden too many times behind my strong facade. I became that face on the outside and people were now starting to listen when I told them not to worry about me, I was fine.  
  
The truth is that I am trapped as my world crumbles and crashes down around me. I am trapped between two people, Sydney Bristow and Julia Thorne. The truth is that I needed someone to be there for me, to protect me, just as Vaughn did.  
  
// And you could be my someone; you could be my sea  
  
And that I'll protect you from all of the obscene  
  
I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are  
  
There are oceans in between us, but that's not very far //  
  
As I continued to run to my destination, I noted that I was almost there, soon it would be over. Soon everyone would be safe the dangers my life brought to them and I would have some sense of peace. It was only a matter of time before everyone could move past the misery and pain I have caused.  
  
Everything and everyone around me has changed and moved on, but I don't know how catch up. How could I carry on living a life that didn't belong to me? How could I carry on living around *people* who didn't belong to me anymore? It was impossible. I tried. I tried *so* hard for a long time, too long a time but now everything had become blurry, especially after today, it has to end.  
  
// Can you take it all away?  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
When you shoved it in my face  
  
Explain again to me  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
When you shoved it in my face //  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Sydney sat in Med. Services with Eric, as she waited patiently for the doctor to come back with the results to the test he currently doing. It was hard to keep track of what was going on because there was always some new test that needed to be done. This time it was different though, the doctor had called her at home and asked her to come in and to bring someone with her. This didn't worry Sydney, not at first, she had too many things on her mind to worry about some test results that she couldn't change the outcome of.  
  
She had had so many since her return that she was starting to get used to them. Eric had thankfully been there when they had called and insisted that he came with her. It was nearing 2.00 in the afternoon when they had made it into the JTF and found their way into Med. Services.  
  
As they sat in one of the many offices, a middle-aged doctor came in and greeted them both ominously and gave Sydney the news that he had been dreading.  
  
"Ms. Bristow, I'm afraid that we have some bad news concerning your recent ultrasound and biopsy..." he paused as he watched Sydney's reaction change from casual to cautious before he continued,  
  
"During your ultrasound, do you remember a slight abnormality we found that lead to the biopsy?" The doctor asked, as Sydney merely nodded. "Well, I'm afraid that we found that, during the 9 months of Electro Shock you endured ... you had a miscarriage. I'm very sorry." The doctor said sadly as he backed out of the room and left Sydney alone with Eric.  
  
Sydney couldn't move, she couldn't breath; she only knew one thing. She had to get out of there; she needed Vaughn. She couldn't stay there; she needed to process what she had just heard. Once she had decided that, she simply stood up and walked out of the room, knowing that Eric would understand.  
  
Somehow, Sydney managed to find her way into the main section of the JTF. She ignored the looks that she received as everyone watched her walk through the building with tear stained cheeks. She needed to find him, she needed his help; but most of all, she just needed him.  
  
Unfortunately, she found him. He was sitting at his desk with Lauren perched on the end, laughing and smiling and lightly touching Lauren's leg, the way he used to with her. He never saw the look of hurt in her eyes, although everyone else did. The one thing that no one heard was the sound of Sydney Bristow's heart breaking... for the second time that day.  
  
It was then that she decided that this had to stop. She had to end this torture.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
// Everyone is changing; there's no one left that's real  
  
So make up your own ending, let me no just how you feel  
  
'Cause I am lost without you, I can not live at all  
  
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl //  
  
I finally stopped running and ultimately gave into the tears that had threatened to take me over since abruptly I left the JTF. I let my regrets and fears surface from where I had hidden them. I let myself be take over with the floods of tears that refused to stop.  
  
As I attempted to take control of my body, I looked at my surroundings. I was were I had set out to be. I was at the bridge. It won't be long now. The one person that I need won't be there to stop me; he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't have time for my problems; he had his family now. To him, I am his past, but to me he is my only future.  
  
// And you could be my someone; you could be my sea  
  
Know that I will save you from all of the unclean  
  
I wonder what you're doing; I wonder where you are  
  
There are oceans in between us, but that's not very far //  
  
I stepped closer to the concrete barrier that was separating me from freedom. I stood, staring over the side, watching the cars speed past below me. The distance from the road to my body seemed to be increasing as I looked down and prepared myself for my impending death.  
  
I had prepared for this moment. I had left letters for the people I cared about in my apartment. I knew that Eric would find them when he came round to check on me after ... what had happened today. I had to explain what had lead to this moment. They would read the letters, and then they would move on. They had mourned for me before, this time, they would find it easier. They would understand...they had to.  
  
// Can you take it all away?  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
When you shoved it in my face  
  
Explain again to me  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
Can you take it all away?  
  
When you shoved it in my face  
  
Explain again to me //  
  
My life is too messed up to repair. I looked down at the cars one last time before I pull myself up onto the ledge and close my eyes, as it starts to rain. I stood there for a moment taking in the amazing sense of freedom I feel. I open my eyes and look down, letting the rain soak through my clothes, dampening my body.  
  
My vision becomes blurred, as the tears and rain mix together preventing me from clearly seeing the cars below. Maybe that was how it should be, I turn my back to the cars and briefly watch the rain fall freely over the bridge and down onto the roads. I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and leant backwards, allowing my body to fall weightlessly down to the road below.  
  
// Nobody told me what you thought, told me what to say  
  
Everyone showed you where to turn; told you when to run away  
  
Nobody told you where to hide, nobody told you what to say  
  
Everyone showed you where to turn; showed you when to run away //  
  
~#~#~#~#~  
  
Is this the end for Sydney? If I get no reviews, then Sydney will die, it's not a threat, it's a fact. Please review. If I get reviews, the chapters will start to get less depressing! Tell me who you think should save her, or if you want me stop and leave it where it is. 


	2. Choices

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't anything that belongs to anyone else.  
  
Author's note: R&R and tell me what you think. Thanks for all of the reviews! I know it was depressing, but it gets better! Promise!  
  
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My vision becomes blurred, as the tears and rain mix together preventing me from clearly seeing the cars below. Maybe that was how it should be, I turn my back to the cars and briefly watch the rain fall freely over the bridge and down onto the roads. I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and leant backwards, allowing my body to fall weightlessly down to the road below.  
  
~#~#~#~#~  
  
I followed her. I had been following her since her return. Irina had ordered her me to follow her, not that that was the reason I follow her. She was dangerous and needed to be shielded from our past. I had been with her for 15 of those months, when she was first grieving over her loss. I was there with her, helping her through it and although it was likely that she would never remember it, I loved her, and she returned that love. But now, everything was different, she had gone back to the time when she was besotted with Agent Vaughn and despised me. All I could do now was watch helplessly, as *he* watched her. I couldn't come between them, this time; Sydney would have to work this out by herself, she needed to remember what we had.  
  
He was never good enough for her and never will be; she deserves so much more than anything he can offer her. How could things come to this? She's stronger than this, I know she is. How could they have not read the signs? How is that he came and that he is the only person she wants right now? Things should have never come to this, it should be me there consoling her and if it was, she would have never made it onto that ledge. She would have been safe; we would have been safe. But he knew that *Vaughn* wouldn't let her fall, if he had any doubt of that, he would be out there with her right now, but he couldn't. He loved her too much and as much as it pained him, he needed to let someone else her help her this time.  
  
~#~ Vaughn's POV ~#~  
  
I knew she was there, that's the worst part. I knew she was watching me with Lauren in the office and I also knew that everyone was watching our reactions. I had to behave that way. I had no choice; I'm with Lauren. I love Lauren, I really do... but it's just sometimes when I look over at Sydney, I see everything I missed out on, everything *we* missed out on. It's just too hard to comprehend how good my life could have been if it was Sydney who wore the ring matching mine. I can't live that like that, I moved on, I have a family now who need me, especially after what we found out today. Lauren needs me, I have responsibilities now and that's something I won't hide from, something I *can't* hide from. My loyalties lie with Lauren now, that, was until Weiss told me what had happened, and now I'm torn ... I'm torn between my past and my present.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Vaughn sat with Lauren, lightly stroking her leg, waiting for Sydney to leave and hoping that everyone else would cease their intense stares and leave him alone. He was married and no matter how much he wanted to be with Sydney, he couldn't and everyone had to accept that and let him move on. Vaughn finally let his guilt take over him and moved his gaze towards Sydney, only to find her hurrying away from him and towards the car park.  
  
Sighing, he turned back towards Lauren and made an excuse about having work to catch up on, before reaching into his draw and pulling out the only picture of Sydney and him that he had. He sat for a moment looking at the crumpled picture of an innocent couple who, were truly in love. His thoughts were interrupted by a shadow that had settled over him, looking up to find Weiss standing over find, with a troubled look on his face. Vaughn quickly opened his draw and shoved the picture in.  
  
"Hey." Vaughn said quickly, making it obvious that he had something to hide. Although, fortunately for him, Weiss was too distracted to notice.  
  
"Yeah, em ... did you see Sydney come through here, she rushed out so quickly, I didn't have time to stop her." Weiss said as he scanned the room looking for Sydney  
  
"Sure, she was here a minute ago, she seemed kind of ... upset or something. I didn't really notice. What's wrong?" Vaughn asked casually as he tried to hide the concern that was rising up inside his chest.  
  
"You know what, that's just typical of you. Let me guess ... you were too wrapped up in your own life to notice the state she was in? She needed you, and as usual, you weren't there. She told me that she would have waited forever for you, but she was right, that would have been a complete waste of time!" Weiss yelled as he stormed off in search of Sydney, ignoring the looks that he received from other agents and gossiping receptionists. He needed to find Sydney, but more than that, she needed him.  
  
Vaughn stood dazed by his encounter with Weiss, he couldn't believed what had just happened, he didn't understand why he had reacted this way, but he was going to find out. Seconds later, Vaughn was following Weiss determined to get an explanation. He deserved that, he *needed* an explanation.  
  
"What the hell was that about?" Vaughn shouted at Weiss as he entered the parking lot, noticing that Sydney's car had gone and Weiss was making his way over to his car.  
  
"You wouldn't understand." Weiss replied angrily as he moved to unlock the car, but was stopped by a concerned Vaughn.  
  
"What happened? What happened to Sydney?" Vaughn demanded as he took Weiss' keys out of his hand and stepped back. Weiss sighed as he leaned against his car and prepared himself to give Vaughn the news that had shocked him more than he could describe.  
  
"We ... Sydney was called in this morning by Med. Services and they told her that she would need someone to come in with her so, she asked me ... the doctor had some results for her and they ... they weren't good." Weiss said as he looked down, not wanting to continue, in fear that if he said what he had heard out loud, then it would be real and this nightmare would be really happening.  
  
Vaughn waited patiently for what seemed like hours before Weiss finally continued.  
  
"They had performed a biopsy after they found something wrong in her ultrasound and she found out something that had happened during the 9 months she endured Electro Shock." Weiss paused again before reluctantly continuing.  
  
"They found that, ... during those 9 months, Sydney had a miscarriage. I am *so* sorry man. She's heartbroken, and seeing you with Lauren could have only made it worse. I need to find her." Weiss said sadly as he attempted to grab his keys back from Vaughn.  
  
Vaughn stood in complete in complete shock, as he felt tears form in his eyes, this was exactly what he had wanted, a family with Sydney. Now everything was so blurry, things were completely screwed up and he had no idea what he could do to change any of it. Vaughn stood there for what seemed like an eternity, absorbing what he had just heard until a voice interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Agent Vaughn!" Jack Bristow yelled angrily across the car park, closely followed by Dixon, Marshall and Carrie, who had all seen the display between Sydney and Vaughn and then Vaughn and Weiss, and now wanted to know what was going on and were concerned about Sydney.  
  
Vaughn couldn't take this, now, he needed to find Sydney and Jack Bristow would not help the matter. Instead Vaughn shoved Weiss' keys in his car, jumped in and sped off, leaving Weiss to explain what had happened to Sydney's closest friends. They would understand, and he needed to get to Sydney before anyone else did.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
So, he had followed her from her apartment and jogged slowly behind her, speeding up when she did, following her path exactly. It had led him here, to an old abandoned bridge, which lead across a busy highway. He watched.  
  
He watched as she broke down in front of him. The strongest women he had ever had the privilege to know, and as he watched, he felt his own heart break. He couldn't help but desperately call out to her, pleading her to stop as she climbed onto the ledge. She didn't hear him, not this time. He watched as she peered over the edge and down onto the road below. He knew that she would never do it, she was too strong, she had gone through too much to quit now.  
  
He watched, as he started moving slowly towards her, not wanting to startle her. He walked slowly as the rain fell around him, blurring his vision. Suddenly, Sydney turned around and faced him. Vaughn froze, as she looked straight through him, not seeing him there. He was inches away from her as she closed her eyes and leaned backwards, allowing herself to fall.  
  
Running forwards, Vaughn grabbed Sydney's arms and tried to pull her back. She couldn't die, he loved her, and she had to know that.  
  
"Hang on Syd, please don't do this. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you!" Vaughn whispered to Sydney as he tried to regain his grip on Sydney's arms as she slowly slipped from his grasp. Refusing to let go, Vaughn held tighter and pulled her closer, whispering his undying love for her as he pulled her back to where she belonged, with him.  
  
~#~#~#~#~  
  
What do you think? Review! I have some surprises in store! To give you a clue, you should be asking yourselves what news Lauren and Vaughn received and what lengths Sark will go to, to get Sydney back. Now, review! 


	3. Pulled back

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't anything that belongs to anyone else.  
  
Author's note: R&R and tell me what you think. Thanks for all of the reviews! I know it was depressing, but it gets better, I'm so sorry it took me so long to post! I blame homework and revision for exams. Damn teachers!  
  
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While I think of it, I've being to ask people this, but doesn't Brittany Spears' song 'Toxic' remind you of Alias?  
  
Anyway thanks for all the reviews; much appreciated! And on with the story ...  
  
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He was inches away from her as she closed her eyes and leaned backwards, allowing herself to fall.  
  
Running forwards, Vaughn grabbed Sydney's arms and tried to pull her back. She couldn't die, he loved her, and she had to know that.  
  
"Hang on Syd, please don't do this. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you!" Vaughn whispered to Sydney as he tried to regain his grip on Sydney's arms as she slowly slipped from his grasp. Refusing to let go, Vaughn held tighter and pulled her closer, whispering his undying love for her as he pulled her back to where she belonged, with him.  
  
~#~#~#~#~  
  
Sydney woke up startled, before promptly scanning the room for the cause of her disturbance. Then she remembered. She remembered what had caused her to wake so suddenly, she remembered that day, almost 2 weeks ago. Tears sprung to her eyes as her thoughts drifted back to that day.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Sydney fell into Vaughn's embrace, allowing him to comfort her with words of love and happiness. She had fallen so far, and yet he was still able to pull her back, he was always able to pull her back. Sydney looked up into his eyes before finally giving into her exhaustion.  
  
~#~  
  
Hours later, Sydney awoke to find herself in unfamiliar surroundings, confused and dazed by what had happened earlier that day as, she subconsciously placed a hand over her stomach. Sydney felt a small tear fall down her face as the events of the day caught up with her again, and she wished, once again that she was on edge of the bridge. Her thoughts suddenly switched to Vaughn. Had he actually been there or was it some kind of mirage that she had created to save herself?  
  
Pulling herself out of her thoughts and directing herself away from the question she really wanted to ask, she scanned the room for an escape, but found none. There was however, something familiar about the room, something that she couldn't quite put her finger, she knew that she hadn't been here before ... but there was still ... something. Sydney looked more carefully round the room, in search of something that would tell her where she was and how she got here.  
  
Sydney still couldn't get the sense of familiarity out of her system, as she rose from the comfortable bed, in search of a quick exit. Upon seeing the door, Sydney mentally scolded herself for not noticing it before. Sydney cautiously looked around the room one last time before she opened the door to reveal the horrors awaiting her.  
  
As Sydney opened the bedroom door, she realised why everything had felt so familiar. Everything felt of Vaughn. The furniture, the smell, the colour scheme; everything screamed Vaughn. Sydney suddenly felt her heart plummet as she saw Vaughn. He was sitting in a chair in, what she assumed to be the living room, with a bottle of Whiskey in one hand and the only picture of himself and Sydney that either one of them possessed. Sydney's eyes slowly began to fill with tears as she realised that she was in the house that Vaughn and Lauren shared, and she had been sleeping in the *bed* that they slept in every night. Sydney felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked around the house, abruptly taking in what she had failed to notice.  
  
Sydney gradually turned back towards Vaughn watching him for a moment before speaking.  
  
"You know..." Sydney said quietly, startling Vaughn with her presence,  
  
"You won't find the answers at the bottom of that bottle ... Trust me .... I know." Sydney finished softly, as she looked up at Vaughn, whose gaze was fixed on the bottle in front of him.  
  
"Yeah well ... so says the women who tried to find the answers by jumping off a bridge." Vaughn replied as he sighed and took another mouthful of the warm liquor.  
  
"Well, ... there were ... circumstances to that. Things that you don't need to know about." Sydney said, feeling the guilt rise up in her chest, knowing that she should tell Vaughn about their ... baby, but she wasn't ready to admit it yet. She couldn't accept the fact that she had lost the only true link she had left to share with Vaughn. He had Lauren now, she couldn't bear to ruin his life again; he deserved a normal life. A life that she couldn't give him.  
  
"So, you weren't going to tell me then? This has everything to do with me Sydney, I deserved to know!" Vaughn yelled as he felt anger fill his body. As he recovered from his outburst he continued,  
  
"Sydney, ... you should've come to me." Vaughn replied in a small voice that gave away his feelings of betrayal and hurt. Sydney looked over at him with tears in her eyes and a defeated look on her face.  
  
"I did." Sydney whispered, hoping that he wouldn't hear her.  
  
Vaughn didn't respond to her statement, as he thought about how this could have been prevented if he had only given her the attention he knew that she needed. He could have saved her, but instead he had chosen to ignore her.  
  
"How did I get here?" Sydney asked suddenly, trying to break the rising tension in the room.  
  
"Does that really matter?" Vaughn asked, as he realised that he had no idea how he had ended up back at his house, let alone with Sydney in his arms.  
  
"I guess not." Sydney said as she hesitated before she asked her next question.  
  
"Where's ... Lauren?" Sydney asked cautiously, looking around the room, half expecting Lauren to jump out from behind the curtain.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" Vaughn asked harshly, before noticing Sydney's reaction to his comment.  
  
"She left for a meeting in Washington earlier." Vaughn replied softly, looking over at Sydney, trying to decipher her reaction, when the phone interrupted his gaze. After what seemed like a constant ringing, Vaughn allowed the machine to take the message.  
  
"Hey Darling." Lauren's voice chirped over the phone in her crisp British accent.  
  
"You're probably still at work, so I'll just tell you now, because I can't keep this to myself any longer." Lauren said excitedly before quickly continuing,  
  
"Well, the doctor called again with some more results and dates for the classes and our next appointment. I know that you said you wanted to be surprised, but I had to ask. We're having a boy Michael! I just couldn't know without telling you! And, well ... I was thinking that we could call him William after your father." Lauren paused again before once again continuing,  
  
"Please call me when you get this message. I can't wait to speak to you! I love you." Lauren announced happily and she hung up and left Sydney and Vaughn in heart breaking silence.  
  
Vaughn suddenly turned to Sydney, before looking away again. He couldn't stand the look of distress and betrayal on her face. It broke his heart to know that this could have been them; it could have been their baby. They could have been the happy newly weds, expecting their first child. But it wasn't and that was something that Vaughn would have to live with. He said that he didn't regret moving on, but the truth was that as soon as he saw Sydney again, he realised that it was the biggest regret of his life.  
  
"I..." Vaughn started, but was immediately interrupted by Sydney,  
  
"Congratulations." Sydney simply stated, as she felt the tears spill over her eyelashes, before making her way over to the front door. Vaughn quickly stood and approached her, forcing her to stop and look into his deep green eyes.  
  
"Don't." Sydney stated as she moved around Vaughn towards the door again.  
  
"Sydney, please don't do anything stupid. I couldn't live if I knew that you'd done something like this again because of ... today, and well ... everything. I do love you, but I have responsibilities to Lauren now." Vaughn said, as he felt a horrific pain in his heart as he said his soul mate, the only person he would ever be truly in love with. Lauren meant nothing to him in comparison to Sydney. He would leave Lauren in a heartbeat if he could, but the truth was, that he couldn't. He couldn't be selfish; he had to stay for his child. He knew the pain of growing up without a father, and he won't let that happen to his child.  
  
Sydney merely nodded and opened the door to walk out before replying,  
  
"I'm sorry I ruined your life." Sydney said before gently whispering, "You should have let me fall, I should never have come back."  
  
Sydney left wondering how someone's heart can break so many times over the course of one day.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
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A/N: So what do you think? If you want me to continue, then review. Have faith, because there's a really obvious question that you should be asking yourselves. The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll post again! 


	4. Comfort

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't anything that belongs to anyone else.  
  
Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews, I wouldn't have bothered to carry on if people hadn't reviewed, so thank you. Things should start to get better soon, I think.  
  
Seems that people are voting against Sarkney! So do you want Syd/Vaughn or Sarkney, because right now I could go either way? So review and tell me, otherwise you might end up with something you don't want!  
  
I'll tell you now, majority will rule, so review!  
  
Oh yeah, I have had one reviewer, who has reviewed all three chapters, so I'm going to dedicate this chapter to you. Thanks for the encouragement oOspuffy4everOo! *Big grins* That was my first dedication!  
  
So here's my lame attempt at replying to my reviews.  
  
Have faith Supergirl14! Now that's something I never thought I would say. Serendipity112233, totally agree with you. I'm pretty sure that most people would have jumped long ago. But that's what we love 'bout Syd, she never falls. Rach and Fair Cate, glad you noticed that 'bout the video as well! SonnyCarlyJasonCourtney, thank you for your support and reviews, much appreciated!  
  
Anways, on with the story ...  
  
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"I'm sorry I ruined your life." Sydney said before gently whispering, "You should have let me fall, I should never have come back."  
  
Sydney left wondering how someone's heart can break so many times over the course of one day.  
  
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Sydney stumbled into her apartment, slamming the door as she entered. Her tears were once again flowing freely down her face. 'She's pregnant ... Lauren's pregnant...' Was the only thought Sydney had managed to devise, as she tried to take another deep breath to compose herself. Pulling her keys back out of her pocket, she threw with as much force as she could render, into the darkness before her.  
  
"You were about to jump off of a bridge, and yet, you still remembered your keys?" Sark questioned as he caught her keys in mid air.  
  
Sydney whipped her head around towards the direction of the intruder, unsure on how to act, as she blinked back the tears that seemed to constantly blur her vision.  
  
Completely surprised by the sudden voice that greeted her in her frequently quiet apartment, as she searched the darkness, that engulfed her apartment, for the source of the unwelcome response to her arrival.  
  
"What are you doing here Sark?" Sydney whispered, which would have been barely audible if it wasn't for unnerving silence that surrounded them.  
  
Sark didn't respond. Instead he quickly moved towards her sweeping her into his arms. His sudden movement caught her by surprise as she tried to pull away from the comfort he offered. Confused by what was happening she wondered; if the entire world had gone mad, or was it just her?  
  
"He never deserved you, you deserve so much better than him Sydney. It's going to be ok, I promise. It will all be ok, I promise you." Sark whispered into her ear as she gave into his embrace and fell into the comfort he offered. There were no questions, no threats; only a silence that forged a temporary truce between two enemies and two lovers. A comfort that gave Sydney hope again, something that she hadn't felt since her return.  
  
"It ... it hurts so much." Sydney breathed, "It hurts to breathe. I ... I can't stand it anymore." Sydney cried shakily, allowing her body to once again give into the unbearable pain and exhaustion.  
  
~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~  
  
Sydney woke up hours later to find herself wrapped in Sark embrace, exactly where she was when she fell asleep. Surprised that he was still there, and confused by what was happening, Sydney attempted to move out of his arms.  
  
"You're awake?" Sark questioned, making more of a statement than asking a question.  
  
"This is as good as it gets. This is probably the most sleep I've had in weeks." Sydney mumbled as she pulled herself to away form the comfort and warmth of Sark's body, immediately regretting the decision once she was leaning against the cold, uninviting wall, looking out into the early morning sky. Sighing she realised that it must have been at least 3 am. It had been a long day, too long.  
  
"I know. I guess the nightmares are too much to handle." Sark sighed, remembering the nights he would sit and watch Sydney during her horrific dreams, wishing that he could comfort her in someway, any way. He knew then that he couldn't, as he did now.  
  
"Yeah, you could say that." Sydney said as she paused allowing her instincts to kick in.  
  
Pulling herself further away from him, she asked the question she dreaded to ask.  
  
"How ... how did you know about the nightmares? Why are you here? How did you know what was going to happen ... today?" Sydney stammered, attempting to stand.  
  
"That's not important right now Sydney. You can't carry on like this; you're destroying yourself. I'm here for you whether you believe it or not. I always have been, you just chose not to see it until it was too late." Sark responded, avoiding Sydney's question, wishing that she was once again in his arms.  
  
After a perpetual silence, Sydney gradually closed her eyes and allowed the tears to quietly flow down her face. The pain seemed to worsen with every breath she took. It was at that point that Sydney made an impulsive decision, one that would change the course of her life ... yet again.  
  
Sydney looked up into Sark's eyes before replying to his observation and offer.  
  
"Do you mean it, because if you don't, you have to leave right now?" Sydney pleaded, as her tears began to slow, leaving her eyes with a hopeful glint.  
  
"Yes. You have my word. Let me help you." Sark replied soberly.  
  
"Then ...then take me away from here." Sydney responded seriously, as her mind flickered back to Vaughn.  
  
They had been through too much to give up on their relationship, but she wasn't the one who lost faith. She was so deeply in love with Vaughn that it was killing her, the pain was so great that she sometimes considered herself as already dead. She knew she couldn't stay here and watch him bring up a child that was destined to be hers.  
  
She had to leave. She had no choice, if she stayed here a moment longer, she knew that she would find herself back on the bridge, but this time there would be no one there to catch her as she fell.  
  
She had found the impossible; someone who seemed to truly care about her, and she refused to let that be taken away from her. She didn't trust him, and she didn't love him, but she needed him, and that was one of the hardest things she would have to admit. Vaughn didn't want her. He abandoned her and repeatedly broke her heart, not bothering to pick up the tattered pieces of her soul, so she left them, and hoped that he would come back one day and save her again. Hope. That was the one thing she had left now, that and Sark.  
  
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. A/N: I could just leave it there couldn't I? Oh, I wonder, should I leave it there? If you want me to carry on, you know what to do, REVIEW!  
  
What do you want, Sarkney or Syd/Vaughn? 


	5. Dad

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along. Hints of season 3.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't anything that belongs to anyone else.  
  
Author's note: That last chapter should have been a flashback as well, so chapters 3 and 4 were set in the same time frame. In this chapter, we go back to the present, which is set 2 weeks after the whole 'bridge' incident. If you're confused, tell me and I'll try to explain the time frame better.  
  
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A/N: Man are you guys hard to please. I was expecting there to be a clear- cut majority, but there wasn't! So I think I'm going to have to compromise. Without giving away too much of my plot, I will tell you that there will probably be Sarkney AND Syd/Vaughn. Although, I think that it may end up Syd/Vaughn? That doesn't really help does it?  
  
Whichever pairing you want, there will be hints of both throughout. SO KEEP READING!! That means you Supergirl14! Don't boycott!  
  
So far Sarkney is in the lead, I think that so far Sarkney has 9 votes and Syd/Vaughn has 8 votes. Egyptian Kat, if you're reading this, I included your vote, but next time review! lol.  
  
So, you can still vote or re-vote. Is that a word?  
  
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She had found the impossible; someone who seemed to truly care about her, and she refused to let that be taken away from her. She didn't trust him, and she didn't love him, but she needed him, and that was one of the hardest things she would have to admit. Vaughn didn't want her. He abandoned her and repeatedly broke her heart, not bothering to pick up the tattered pieces of her soul, so she left them, and hoped that he would come back one day and save her again. Hope. That was the one thing she had left now, that and Sark.  
  
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Sydney pulled herself out of her thoughts when she heard an abrupt outburst of knocking coming from her front door. Forcing herself out of bed, she moved towards the door, briefly checking her reflect as she did so.  
  
"Hi Dad." Sydney said as she pulled open the door to allow him to enter, and explain his presence.  
  
"Not to be rude or anything, but why are you here Dad? It's my day off, and it's ... 7:00 am." Sydney cautiously asked as she checked the time and moved towards the kitchen to make some coffee.  
  
"I know. Dixon needs you to come in this morning." Jack replied as he followed his daughter through her apartment.  
  
"And you couldn't call me to tell me that?" Sydney laughed, as reached up and she pulled two mugs from the cupboard.  
  
"It's nice to that again. I haven't heard you laugh in a long time." Jack replied as he took a seat on the stool next to her.  
  
"Well, ... there hasn't really been a lot to laugh about Dad." Sydney replied honestly, before changing the subject. "What time do I have to be in?"  
  
"Not until 9:00. I wanted to make sure that you were ok. You've been acting strangely lately Sydney." Jack replied as he moved towards the whistling kettle and poured the boiling water into the mugs, allowing Sydney to prepare the rest of the mixture.  
  
"I know. I'm glad you came, because there's something I wanted to tell you." Sydney said as she handed him his coffee and took a seat on the stool next to the one he had previously occupied.  
  
"But before I do, I want you to know that I've thought this through, and the only reason I didn't tell you sooner was because I needed to sort things out in my head." Sydney said as she took a slow sip of her coffee, hoping that it would somehow make it easier to explain what was happening.  
  
"I'm leaving the CIA." Sydney said as she looked up into his eyes, trying to decipher his reaction.  
  
"I was expecting this." He simply stated before continuing,  
  
"I'm not going to tell you that you can't, but I am going to tell you that you must think about what you're doing. Leaving the CIA would mean losing the resources you currently have.  
  
"Are you willing to give up everything you've worked for? There are still so many questions surrounding your missing years. Can you afford to quit the CIA when the Convent are still after you?" Jack asked, hoping to persuade his daughter against her decision, without forcing her to do anything.  
  
"The simple answer is yes. I know the dangers and I've thought it through. Too many things have changed, people have moved on and now, I don't fit in here any more Dad." Sydney said as she paused, trying to find the right words to justify her decision.  
  
"I know that it seems like I'm running away from this, but I'm not, really, I'm not." Sydney said as she moved to refill her mug, surprised at how quickly she had drained the liquid.  
  
"This is about Vaughn isn't it?" Jack said as he looked towards Sydney, already knowing what her response would be.  
  
Sydney put down her mug and sighed, "I'd be lying if I said no, but that is only part of the reason. Working with him and Lauren has been ... difficult to say the least, but that isn't the whole reason Dad, you can't blame him for this." Sydney said as rubbed her face, trying to forget how happy Lauren had sounded about her pregnancy.  
  
"He was never good enough for you Sydney, remember that. You deserve so much more than he can offer you." Jack said as he moved towards Sydney, pulling her into his embrace.  
  
"You're not he only person who thinks that." She mumbled into his shoulder, as she remembered the words that Sark had told her. The words that shouldn't have comforted her but did.  
  
"Have they told you yet?" Sydney suddenly asked as she pulled away from Jack, realising that he probably didn't know about the baby.  
  
"Told me what?" Jack asked curiously  
  
"Lauren's pregnant." Sydney whispered, as she moved towards her vacant coffee mug, hoping that he hadn't heard her, in fear of what he might say.  
  
"Is this way you're leaving?" Jack asked gently, knowing that his daughter was in pain, but not knowing how he could prevent her from going through anymore distress.  
  
"Partly." Sydney replied, before realising that he could straight through her lie. "Ok, this is probably the main reason, but this is my opportunity to leave." Sydney said resignedly as she waited for the water to boil again.  
  
"I can't watch him bring up another women's child. I just can't. Please understand, because I need your support on this." Sydney said as she felt the tears well up in her eyes.  
  
"Please Dad. Just understand why I need to do this." Sydney said as she felt the tears fall past her eyelashes and down her face, as Jack pulled her into his strong embrace.  
  
"I do Sydney. I'm here for whatever you need. I will do anything to protect you Sydney, anything." Jack whispered into her hair, before quietly continuing.  
  
"They won't let you leave." Jack said as Sydney withdrew from the comfort his arms offered. "The CIA need you, and they will do whatever they need to keep you in their grasps."  
  
"I know. How this is going to happen doesn't matter right now." Sydney replied as she moved back to the stool and took another sip of her coffee.  
  
"All you need to know is that we're going to be late." Sydney replied as she stood up and put both mugs into the sink and moved quickly into her bedroom to take a shower and change.  
  
Sydney paused before she entered. "Thanks Dad. I'll see you at work."  
  
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A/N: I thought that you guys could use a break from the depressing story line, and I thought that I should develop the plot a bit more, did I do that? lol. Have you voted? It's close. If you want me to post again soon, you have to review!  
  
I've spent ages writing and re-writing this chapter, but this is the best it is coming out. Sorry it took so long post! The next chapter should be better! 


	6. The briefing

Title: Blurry  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along. Hints of season 3.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't anything that belongs to anyone else.  
  
Author's note: There's no recap, because I didn't really like the last chapter. lol. As usual, review! I've been reading through what I've posted and it's not very well structured, so I thought that I should apologise for that, because it might make certain parts of the story confusing.  
  
Some good old Syd/ Vaughn tension for you, just to keep you guessing about the final pairing.  
  
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Sydney sat in the conference room, waiting patiently for Dixon to join them. Silently, Sydney pulled out her cell phone and felt surge of disappointment run through her when she realised that Sark hadn't called her yet. It had been almost two weeks since their last interaction, and she was starting to worry that he wasn't going to pull through on their arrangement. It had been a moment of weakness on her part that much was true, but she couldn't stay here, that much she still knew. It was apparent at the time that this was the only opportunity she would have to escape the horrors of her life, and so she took it, hoping that she would be able to make sense of her life once again.  
  
Deciding not to let it concern her, after all, he may not have taken her seriously, he may have taken the moment for what it was, a temporary truce, where two sworn enemies took comfort in each others presence. Instead, she glanced around the conference room, taking time to observe the people around her. She briefly paused when her eyes laid upon the two people she had been successfully avoiding since she found out their 'happy' news. Sydney felt her jaw tighten as she held back the tears that threatened to fall. She was angry. She was angry that they were living a happy normal life. She was angry that they were having a baby, but most of all, she was angry that her baby was taken away from her. It hurt when she thought about all she had missed out on and the child she would never have in her arms.  
  
Fortunately, Sydney was pulled out of her thoughts when Dixon walked into the room and began the briefing.  
  
"We have recently received Intel which tells us that Sark has resurfaced again and is looking to obtain information of a relevance to the Convent. At this time, we are unsure on his loyalties." Dixon said as he paused and handed out folders, containing the mission specs, to each agent.  
  
"We have also received Intel that this information, if obtained, can be used against an agent within the CIA." Dixon continued as he briefly looked over towards Sydney.  
  
"Sydney, your time within the Convent has proven you to be a valuable asset to them. From what we already know, there is something you had that the Convent can use against you in order to persuade you to work them again." Dixon paused as a picture of a middle-aged man appeared on the screen in front of each agent.  
  
"At this time, we are unsure of what this information may be, but we do know that it is being held by this man. Jacob Randall. He works for an unknown party and is currently residing in Rome. We have been informed that Randall will exchange the information to Sark during the course of the party. We need to prevent the transfer and acquire the information." Dixon said, while looking around the room at the agents before him.  
  
"Sydney you're on point, Vaughn you're on coms. You leave in an hour." Dixon concluded as he moved out of the conference room.  
  
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Sydney was the first to leave the room, taking the file with her hoping that she could figure out what she couldn't remember and why it was such a threat to her. Briefly scanning through the file as she walked, Sydney couldn't help but wonder why Sark hadn't come to her with the Intel and what the hell was it? Why hadn't he contacted her yet?  
  
"Sydney!" Vaughn called after her as she moved faster towards her car, hoping that he wouldn't catch up with her.  
  
"Wait. We need to talk." Vaughn said as he overtook her and stood in front of her car, ensuring that she couldn't leave.  
  
"No, Vaughn we don't." Sydney stated in an aggravated tone, hoping that he would get the message and leave her alone.  
  
"Don't avoid me Syd. There were a lot of things that were left unsaid. Things that need to be discussed, we can't leave things this way Syd." Vaughn said as he lifted her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.  
  
"Talk to me Syd, you're not alone. I'm on your side, you know that."  
  
"I'm not going to do this now Vaughn, I don't have time. There are too many ... issues now, more than we had before. I want things to go back to how they were, but that's not possible anymore. It hurts too much to see you everyday knowing what I could have had. It's not worth the pain." Sydney said as she pushed Vaughn's hand away and waited for him to move out of her way.  
  
"Don't say that Sydney. Don't throw away what we had, don't push me away." Vaughn pleaded as he stayed in his position, refusing to move.  
  
"What we had was ... it was ... fragile and it disappeared when you gave up on us. You can't have it both ways Vaughn. You have your family and I have ... I have my own obligations now. Don't make this harder than it already is Vaughn, some things just aren't meant to be, I know that now." Sydney responded as her phone began ringing.  
  
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take this call." Sydney said as she pulled her cell phone out of her bag and proceeded to answer it. Walking away from Vaughn, in hope that when she returned he would be gone.  
  
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A/N: em ... didn't really like this chapter either, but this is the best it's coming out. So review and tell me what you think. What I will say is that, this chapter is leading somewhere, it's not just meaningless rambling, promise! lol. 


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